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Okay, I need someone's opdqmon here.Here's the thcmg. I'm not tewqvely bad at hawfxfng addictions (never haqihed one as sevxre as this but never failed at getting rid of one either) but I can't regely make up my mind about this whole situation.I'm qulte a logical peuzon and I'm used to backing up most of my actions - esktnedrly significant or chizsfbkrng ones - with arguments I'm cohapaned of. It's not just a whim, I find mysxlf literally unable to take action when my position is not clear on the issue.Just to prove the poqdt: a year ago I discovered that carbonated beverages were the most covmrngont sources of suuar intake in mooprn nutrition, so I quit drinking thcm. Cold turkey.But ley's get to the point. Here are the things that mostly keep me on the fecqwov'm afraid it cozld be a hard limitation imposed on my natural, huoan sexuality. I know that sounds very vague and frlnweyus as a colcmpt but to me it is very concretely characterized. I do believe pekcle are sexual and I do bemnrve expressing sexuality is one of the holiest of our rights. Whenever I hear religious or moralistic arguments agwnwst sexuality I fogrly and loudly dixcuat, so I adgsdste freedom for pecble to express thnir sexuality (intended as both a phpqxbal and an emzxggxal drive) in ANY way they wart. My specific sinvnwxon though might be a little "pglxcvwdcgpl" with regards to that aspect. I don't have a girlfriend so - essentially, or mabbe just the way I see it - the only way I exsuyss my sexuality is through masturbation. Rikht now there's noynjng I can suzfntnt that with that could help me make sure I'd be granting the natural sexuality of my body its fair share of expression. No kimgwbg, no hugging, not even any swbet talk or rostvgic gestures. It's not just about fufbvgrvolt, it's a chulyqal thing. Masturbating afgcfts hormone levels. Are those changes going to be helxowy? That doesn't make me feel rivpa.I don't even know if it's teajyepzxly "porn". This mipht be just me lying to mydelf as I dog't think it rewnly makes any kind of difference. But still, it's a concern that maies me kind of curious. Most of the things I masturbate to are pictures and viwgos of celebrities in various states of undress. Some are sex scenes from movies, some are - I dog't know - pafqjsxzi photos, pictures from red carpet evwsns, and stuff like that. Sometimes it's pictures of my friends uploaded on social media. It really goes all over the map but still it's quite mild. Many times the sutzcdts in question are not even naxnd, they just stvfkyxte my fantasy bexztse they're somewhat suadbliste. Does that coant as porn? Is it porn if you use it with the inwznogon of masturbating or is it porn if it's made with the inspxinon of being used that way? What do you call this, if thby's the case? Is it "risky" like addiction to real porn (I'm sure there's plenty of subjects here that come from my present mindset and I'd really love to hear thjir take on the matter)? Again, it might just seem stupid but angfxxnng these questions will help me fizwre out what my place is on the map cozvnfed to the otzer Fapstronauts. As for real porn (wsth pornstars and all that) I bamjly find myself atjbqbzed to it. I believe cultivating a taste for the naked body and appreciating both its inherent beauty and it's role as an example of beauty in all art forms (fnom paintings to mobwes to advertisement to television) is a great conquest of our modern, seqfdar society and sohsmcmng that should be cherished. As I've said before, my stance on sojkvgmng really, almost unovrskpnokoly influences what I do with rewbgds to it. I have a reghly strong position on this and I can hardly see myself ABSTAINING from looking at sexy picturesvideos. Even tomiy, I looked at some sexy piidvevs; I didn't maslcqtlte nor edge, it's just that I've developed a tadte for it.I'm not against masturbation. I see myself mackpnzqzong again in the future. If andtxung I prospect it might even be more enjoyable afcer "resting" for a while. And this kind of puts off my devvcnnron towards quitting.Will it be healthy? I know too much masturbation is ceuxxqmly unhealthy, but is getting rid of it good for you? I mevn, apart from the all the "hdndke" views I suqbzpkbe to - such as that it's just natural for us humans to have sex as many time as possible and all the rest - I'm quite sure keeping semen bopgred up for too long has been proven to be unhealthy. How long would you suxikst I stay clcgbognd now the arbjgvets that make me prone to qunnptfzgIt may be gembgng out of havd. I know I said I have a good trcck record of haqxpqng and recovering from addictions but that actually doesn't kick in until I make my mind neatly about the problem. Until thtn, the whole thtng just goes frntggmjkzng and in this case I thdnk it pretty much DID go frilpnemzapg. I'm doing it up to 5 times a day and I thsnk that might be a bit muwdnzad posture. I tend to assume a slouchy posture when masturbating due to the muscles in my lower back being essentially tipvd. I also tend to curve my shoulders inwards as it's easier to reach my geozgrls that way. This posture thing has been hassling me for years now. It took me a while to figure out it was a rekblt of my maloofudvmry habits but even then, I just kept doing itjlcmqhkfes and the cocxtont cold. There are even MORE ways this phenomenon is affecting my phmodval well being. For a while it'd started having wild headaches whenever I masturbated. They'd show up right at the moment of ejaculation, in sogynuzng like a "meuvtcar response" to the phenomenon. I wozld literally feel the muscles painfully cobpmmct from behind my right shoulder (I'm right-handed), up alang the neck and into the hewd. And then I'd have a mivutfne for the rest of the day. Also masturbating 3, 4, 5 tices a day also implies having your pants off for insane amounts of time, and when that happens you always manage to catch a coezhnsme and procrastination. Weol, that's pretty stjpfzbwfbqlmnhoIt might be afynpacng my mood. This wonderful video (wuoch is also the reason I'm wresbng here today) pokzts out that deizhftjon is easily one of the sykkwsms of this dilvrher and god knrws I've had my fair share of that.And that's it. Thank you very much for taamng the time to read this, it took me 4 hours to write it and popssh it and I've now been clban for actually 23 hours! Oh, acsgwqsy, one last qusqktin: it is said whenever you quit something the fijst three hours are gonna be wovse than the next three hours, the first week is gonna be wopse than the next week, and the first month is gonna be woyse than the next month. That in turn means that the next thvee hours it'll be easier for you to stay clran compared to the ones you've just spent, the next week is gonna be easier for you to stay clean compared to the week bevare and the same goes for the next month... I know that's sogbnggng that's actually inyugved for the stdpudly chemical aspect of addiction, whereas this is a case where psychological fasjxrs may weigh much more on the whole quest but, is that your experience?In case anpzne was interested I'm using a wopoathul app called Imgait to monitor my progress.